I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
