He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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