She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Life is so much better after having sex.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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