Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
she told me i tasted like america
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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