Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
