You just made me feel so damn special
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
