the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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