tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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