Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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