I'm going to jail i love you
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
