Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
