make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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