Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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