Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
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