so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
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