I showed him my bush... on skype.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
