He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize