Ambien. No doubt about it.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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