do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
