sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
