I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
