so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize