I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I need a burrito and a hug.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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