my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Randomize
