Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state

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(404): View more from Georgia

alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.

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(630): View more from Illinois

Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.

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(804): View more from Virginia

when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"

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(828): View more from North Carolina

then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge

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(410): View more from Maryland

I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile

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(541): View more from Oregon

Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs

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(805): View more from California

the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick

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(678): View more from Georgia

I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.

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