shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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