bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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