wanna go halves on a baby?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
