I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
