Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
