Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
