That's when you crack a 10am beer
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
