final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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