I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
