The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
