She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
