just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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