I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
