I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
