OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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