My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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