I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
