i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
