operation harelip BJ is a go
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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