We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
