I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
