wrigley field is MILF paradise
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
