You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
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