Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just googled if crying burns calories
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
