Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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