5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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