It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
