He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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