lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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