I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
