i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
