are you still at the devil's house?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
