yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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