no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize