Kiss
Puke
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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