Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
