The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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