It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
