My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
