What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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