i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
