Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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